Blog post by: Mr. Lauro Ortega Macias – Queretero, Mexico (Lauro is the Representative & Master Trainer for Gordon Training for Mexico)
I have been teaching P.E.T. for 5 years–I was certified when I was 28, and since that moment in all of my courses, just after my age, the biggest concern for the participants is if I have children. Of course a “no” as an answer doesn’t help very much. If they are already uncomfortable being in a course with a young guy as instructor, it simply looks impossible to receive a parent training from someone who is not a father… “…but I AM a son!” I often say this: “I have 33 years of experience being a son, who was (and still is) raised with the Gordon Model and I can’t be more sure that it is the best alternative”.
Here are the reasons:
My father attended his first P.E.T. course in 1982 in Mexico City, and in 1985 he become certified as a P.E.T. and T.E.T. instructor, so if you do the math, the Gordon Model and I arrived together for him. The final result of using the Gordon Model in our relationship is that at his 72 years old, he is proud to say that his best friends are his children, and he and my mom are also my best friends.
Since I was very young it became natural for me to recognize my parents as a support, as real “helpers”. Every time things got difficult I knew my parents would listen to me and help me to make everything work. My communication was so direct, honest and frequent, that my friends started to stop telling me things, because they thought I was going to tell on them, but for me it was normal. It was normal to trust my parents and share experiences with them. On the other hand it was weird for me to see my friends’ relationships with their parents. I can’t forget the moment when a friend of mine, feeling completely lost and helpless, asked for my help and support. During those days I didn’t know the Gordon Model skills or structure, until that moment it had been only modeled to me, so I did my best listening and advising. The most important thing I said in that moment was: “Tell your parents, trust me, is the best you can do because no one cares more about you and no one will make it better for you”, her instant reply was: “You are crazy, they will lose their minds and just shout at me…they never listen…they won’t understand”.
Some days later, her parents got to know about the problem (as most of the times), and she came to me saying: “You were right, they helped me, I can’t believe it”. This kind of trust, confidence and safety about having someone always looking after you, is fostered by the Gordon Model. Now that I know it, I understand why I have such relationship with my parents.
Since I was 6, it was 100% my responsibility to check up what was needed to do my homework, ask for the material to my parents if needed and do it, prepare my school material including my uniform, get enrolled in the soccer team and ask my parents to make the payments on time. Since I was 13, my parents stopped completely checking on me to do my homework or asking for my grades report. My parents trusted me enough to do it and they knew that if anything was wrong, they were going to be the first ones to know. The result? Since I was 13 until I got 18 I presented only 3 final exams out of 55, the rest I was able to skip because of my good grades and I got a scholarship for one of the best universities in my country. This is what is normal for me, because exactly the same happened with my brother.
What is completely strange for me is that a child doesn’t want to go to school, doesn’t want to do the homework and her/his parents have to check on her/him to do it. Many youth have to leave home hiding and afraid of telling her/his parents where she/he was or where she/he is going to be. In my family, because of the Gordon Model, because of great communication, when anything was wrong the only thing I needed to say to solve it was: “Mom, let’s talk.”
This is how I grew up; this is what helped me to deal with teachers and other adults using authoritarian methods, and what taught me how to deal with a teacher or an adult that was using a permissive approach. It’s not that I have the best parents (even when my heart thinks so), it’s not that my parents never made a mistake or that we never argued or discussed. Of course sometimes they failed; of course they made mistakes sometimes.
On the other hand I know (and this time my heart thinks the same) that I wasn’t and I am not perfect; I made a lot of mistakes, and sometimes I hid something from them, and other times I had to run screaming to my room and slam the door to be alone. All that is natural, is part of growing up, learning that life is not always happiness and relationships are difficult. But at the very end, the result is so positive, that I cannot see my life without the Gordon Model.
“…and please trust me, I’m not teaching this course as a father or an expert about parenting, but as a colleague of your children begging you to use these skills to raise your kids” is my final remark for the participants of my courses.