Leadership Training: Three Essential Keys to Help You Confront Effectively (Video Blog)

Bill Stinnett, Ph.D (L.E.T. Master Trainer) discusses the concept of I-Messages, which is a way of stating one’s own needs clearly without making unnecessary assumptions or inferences about other people or events. It represents a rational way of beginning conversations about otherwise difficult topics. The proper format for a Confrontive I-Message (taught in Leader Effectiveness Training, a leadership training program developed by Dr. Thomas Gordon—and the inventor of the I-Message) includes three parts:  1) a description of the behavior (with no inferences, assumptions, judgments, etc.); 2) a statement of the effects (what is it the team member must do or cannot do as a direct result of the other team member’s behavior) and; 3) a word or phrase that explains the importance or significance of the effects (the emotion or feeling). It is your responsibility as a team member (including leaders) to speak for your self. Not doing so puts the team’s performance in jeopardy. So, for a team to start thinking like a “we,” all of the “I’s” need to learn how to take responsibility for stating their own needs in a mature, constructive way.