My son is almost 18 years old, and one of my biggest challenges is sitting back and letting him make his own decisions. The way I see it, I’ve lived a full life and I know what’s best, so if he just took my advice his life would be a whole lot easier. But he can’t (and shouldn’t!) do that because my solutions are exactly that – MINE. By offering him advice and giving him a bucket of “should’s” I’m standing resolutely in the way of his development, and ultimately creating the opposite of what needs to happen.
It’s like the Prime Directive in Star Trek, “no interference.” Starfleet Command says explicitly that you can’t interfere with the path others are on. I can’t interfere in my son’s life just because we have what Dr. Gordon called a “values collision.” And as frustrating as it might be, I have to accept that he may have a different path to his goal. And for that matter, a different goal in his life than I might want him to have.
Unfortunately, this is sometimes easier said than done, so to satisfy my need for involvement , I’m going to do my best to stick to two things. First, I’m going to continue to stay true to my own values in the hopes that they will possibly influence him to change his behavior. Maybe one of these days he’ll surprise me and wake up before 3pm and decide it’s time to get a job and help pay for college. One can only hope. And until then, I’m going to stay open-minded and receptive just in case he comes to me and asks for my advice. I figure if the “no interference” rule worked for Captain James T. Kirk and Dr. Thomas Gordon, it’ll work for me too.