You recently hired a new operations manager for your company. After eighteen months of recruiting, you found what seems to be a perfect fit for the position. He has a take-charge personality, and according to his CV, he brings a wealth of experience and top-line credentials. Everyone is feeling relieved that the position is finally filled. And now the company has spent thousands to get him on-board and provide the training he needed.
Fast forward three weeks, and you learn that your new operations manager has already missed two internal deadlines. And it all seems very odd because during the interview process he boasted about his hands-on management approach and his focus on meeting deadlines.
You realize that he’s still riding his learning curve, but still you detect a pattern you don’t like. Your main concern is that when deadlines are missed, you’ll need to pay people overtime to get the jobs delivered to the customer on time.
Question: What do you do? Do you give him the “Come to Jesus” talk? Do you pardon his unacceptable behavior because he is so good at what he does? Or, do you assume that things will get better on their own?
You’re somewhat apprehensive about approaching him on this issue because things haven’t yet reached a point of getting out of hand so maybe it isn’t yet worth the confrontation.
However, it’s important to understand that when you see a problem that has the potential of getting out of hand, it needs to be addressed sooner rather than later.
Confrontive I-Message*
There is a proven, effective way of addressing a problem such as this one. It is called the “Confrontive I-Message” and instead of putting the other person on the defensive – the very reaction people fear the most when approaching someone to engage in a corrective conversation—its purpose is to describe the impact of his/her behavior on you.
The success of the Confrontive I-Message skill is based on its non-accusatory nature because the conversation focuses on you (the sender), and how you are affected by the other person’s unacceptable actions or inactions.
The Confrontive I-Message model has three parts:
1. A non-blameful description of the other’s behavior
2. The effect the behavior has on you, the sender
3. Your feelings about the effect
The alternative to the I-Message is the “You-Message” which almost automatically puts the other person on the defensive and quickly primes the pump for a potential argument. Consider the differences in the examples below:
You-Message:
“Hey John, you’re not hitting your deadlines. What’s up with that?”
I-Message:
“John, I really become concerned when I hear that you’re not meeting your deadlines. This means I have to pay others in the department overtime to get the jobs delivered to the customer on time, and that extra expense cuts into our profit.”
Notice how the I-Message focuses on the effect the negative behavior has on the sender instead of on the behavior itself. This non-accusatory approach opens the door for a productive conversation to delve deeper into the issue or problem.
Next time you need to speak with someone about a problem or unacceptable behavior, try a Confrontive I-Message and see what a difference it makes.
*The I-Message was created by Dr. Thomas Gordon.