If you think for a minute about the people you feel the most connected to and the ones you trust the most, they likely all share one fundamental communications skill: Active Listening.
Active Listening is the act of feeding back what we have heard, in our own words, to let the other person know we acknowledge and understand what they are saying. This skill receives a lot of attention in leadership training because it is the quickest and easiest way to bond with colleagues, employees, and quite frankly, everyone in our lives. If you’re not convinced, think about the frustration you felt the last time you were talking to someone and they were distracted by the chime of an incoming email or text, or worse, they had that deer in the headlights look because their mind was light years away. When we don’t listen, it can come off as insulting, uncaring, and being detached.
Mastering the skill of listening requires a lot of practice, and quite a bit of focus for this one reason: many people who may appear to be listening are too busy thinking about what they want to say or do while the other person is talking. Such fragmented listening leads to misunderstandings and at times, arguments, because the listener is not grasping the essence of what the other person is saying and feeling.
The benefits of empathic listening are both obvious and significant:
- It makes the person who is talking feel important and respected.
- It provides a source of comfort in times of stress. Simply hearing another person out has a calming effect, and they will be thankful for your time.
- Listening affords the opportunity for your employees to talk through solutions to their own problems.
- It is the quickest way to establish rapport.
- It is one of the easiest ways to build trust.
If you wish to improve your listening skills, you can start immediately, even if you are not in the physical presence of another. Place a phone call to someone and simply ask how something is coming along, and keep the conversation going through being understanding and empathic. Be in the present and also be cognizant of your mind. If and when it wanders elsewhere, immediately snap back to listening. One of the best ways to maintain your focus is to commit to consistently and sincerely feeding back what you’ve heard with phrases such as, “What I hear you saying is…“, “Let me see if I understand this…” or something similar. The more you do it, the easier it becomes.